night of the iguana

tinted windows in mexico


el mariachi is a family business... got a kick out off the little kid on the left banging two sticks together like will ferrel in the snl parody of blue oyster cult(we need more stick). the kid on the right was doing all the singing... like a broken record


hanging out in our hotel... corona in a can baby


a view from above... how the mexicanos get down

trying to be the magic man...lol


senorita and the peurto vallarta 49ers fan club... club president hector and his number 1 Kieron. they asked her to audition as a cheerleader. she was feeling K for a bit but due to his language deficiencies he dropped the ball... just like the niners.


a view of the bay from the boardwalk... unlike back home... the dolphins statue is actually of an indigenous animal


a shot of the spire of the church right in the center of town... its pretty cool how the angels are all holding up the crown on top


this is basically how ridiculous the mexican road laws are. ICBC would not be letting this stand for but a second


K debating whether he should just end it and jump off.... my advice to him was the nike slogan.


they have these street taco stands everywhere... they have the freshly made tortillas and the prices that make our wallets grin.... to bad we don't know how to order half the time.


a plaza in the old town... picturesque


all aboard the mexican loser cruiser

me and skeleto hit the road and took a bus up to peurto vallarta. we figured we´d catch an early bus. between when we bought our tickets and when we left we had a night that snowballed a bit on us. it started simply with a few drinks, then tequila, mixers, then we thought we would slow it down because we were travelling in 6 hours so skeleto orders a bucket of beers. i know back home when you order a bucket of beers, its 3 beers in a corona tin bucket. here the buckets are the same but they basically ram as many cervesas into the bucket as possible, double stacking, upside down, whatever they can do. the dude rolled up to the table with 9 beers in it. i asked skeleto what the hell he was thinking. looks of "please no" (high-pitched voice) exchanged. you know when you are at the tipping point and someone does something to put your buzz way over the edge...

tequila sunrise on a few hours of sleep with nothing but a 4.5 hour greyhound trip on windy roads in searing heat to look forward to. it was all i could do to not be sick that a.m. eyes closed and prayers

so we get into town, realizing we forgot our guidebook and phrase book(you can understand why) and basically realized we knew no spanish and that everyone refused to speak to el giantez gringos blanco. we tried to find a city bus to downtown. there was a spanish girl and her mum at the bus stop. a few gestures later of trying to explain that we wanted to go downtown, she told us to follow her. he hopped aboard a glorified school bus with jesus murals on it.... and we went to find the lord!!!...lol. some dude got on the bus and started saying stuff in spanish and waving his hands around. i was trying to figure out what he was doing and saying. he was really serious too, so i thought he might be trying to convince the people to rise up and fight for the cause. then he started gathering money. people generally looked disinterested. then the dude locked eyes with me. i figured "here we go". money for the kids with guns program. so after fighting with the chickens for seats we got to our "stop". the lady smiled and gestured that this was where we should get off...... it was a god damn walmart. so me and kieron are sitting on the side of the road scratching our heads trying to pick out someone that we thought would speak english and know their way around.

rolling into a city you have no idea about, no maps, no language is a lil intimidating. especially when i read the day nefore that "peurto vallarta is a billingual city and that everyone speaks english".... the reality of the situation was very grim. estceque tu parlez anglais? we figured it out sheepishly. got into town, got a hotel, got settled.

you gotta understand one thing about this place. everyone is trying to sell you drugs here, they are all hustlin like rick ross. cabbies will roll up "hey, you want taxi?.... naw dude.... yayo?". dude peddling wares: "amigo, come buy something for your mother.... naw i´m cool.... cocayne mein?(with the tony montana accent)". we went to the tourist info place and when the dude was done trying to sell us boat tours and canopy adventures, he tried to sell us on some blaze and some hookers. we went to subway to eat and i half expected the dude to ask me if i wanted some weed with my sub.

basically the city is on this huge bay. it got famous because it was where night of the iguana was filmed and i guess the paparazzi were crazy about richard burton and elizabeth taylors romance and ava gardners intrusion. so it drew alot of attention to its beautiful beaches. then the tourists came and fucked it all up. its now littered with resorts and americanization... mcdonalds, hooters, hard rock cafe, senor frogs garbage eveywhere. you can´t swim in the bay without getting a rash because they just pipe the sewage into the bay and all the cruise ships do the same. its a shame.

our hotel is a little bit inland in the city center, its pretty quaint and in a really hustle bustle locals area. we went out and walked their big boardwalk that runs along the ocean. its super touristy and expensive compared to where we have been before. lots of street performers, mexican junk booths, fire spinners, rock balancers, sand castles and blaring mexican music. we settled in at this place called paradise burger(don´t laugh, we figured it would be a good place the people watch, and by that i mean check out"the ladies"(low voice). the dudes who served there were top notch. they really took care of us. these dudes were leaving the restaurant and going down to the boardwalk to bring up girls to come sit with us. it was classic. the guys even were translating for us when we ran into language problems. we did some shots with them and talked about football once k and this dude manuel discovered their mutual love for the 49ers(losers). they gave us the low down on all the spots. when they got off we went and grabbed them to come and party with us.

we went clubbin and it was mostly tourists out. the girls were "on vacation"... bump and grinding, kissing eachother, thinking they were on some girls gone wild video. we got pretty gassed. we were out till 6. at some point some tall red haired dude decided it was a good idea to pour his corona over his head to cool off. music was top forty terrible.... but what the hell right. it was a costly little night by mexican standards. i think we are both gonna cry ourselves to sleep tonight. but i know i´ll feel better later on when down syndrome peyton loses to ray ray and then cloud nine tommorow when tom brady does his thing.

i wanted to go to this restaurant that is just upriver from the city where predator was filmed, i guess there the burned out helicopter just outside the restaurant, inside of which is the charred remains of jean-claude van damme´s career when he decided against taking the lead in that movie. next to that is the place where nfl cornerbacks get their hairstyles.

well i gotta peel my tanktop off this chair and go wake that fool kaptain kangaroo up and find somewhere to get outta this muggy heat..... i guess not.... a big brawl just started outside...lol... as the world turns my friends. this thing is like a ticker, up to date!!!....hahaha