make ups to break ups

well since i am moving away from ball at this point in my life, i can't say its been easy. a metaphor in alot of ways kinda like breaking up with a girl i suppose. anything you love you miss when she is gone, especially intense in those moments of introspection and reminicing. you wonder what you loved so much. was it the total package or was it just that you remember the good times more than the actual culmination of the experience? in alot of ways love and basketball have been intrinsicly tied together in my life. the two single sources of happiness besides my family that i truly enjoy. they have been both my reason for being and my bane. one without the other rarely happens. for all the growth it has led to it, also leads to a path that is dark and that i don't entirely feel comfortable on. it was essentially one of the reasons for distancing myself from ball and relationships somewhat this summer and not pursuing opportunities full bore when they were presented. i really wasn't sure if i wanted it at the cost it had incurred in the past. being out here cold turkey; not even seeing woman or a rim or a ball for like 5 weeks i've found myself shooting pieces of wood into garbage cans, subconciously holding my follow through, then snapping out of it being like fuck, what am i doing? and firtively checking to see if anyone is watching. it all comes down to the sacrifices you make....... take yourself away from something and you realize how much you miss it.